I was recently diagnosed (finally) with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) have been taking medication for it the past two months. I cannot even begin to tell you the difference between my behavior and symptoms before and now.
One thing that surprised me though was…I was a mess. I had mood swings, my mind was whirling a thousand thoughts almost all the time, I had intennnnnse hyperfocusing periods and was beyond easily distracted. But here is why I am writing this topic.
Before medication, I was constantly seeking a friend with benefits and I have had a few online encounters. I am married, bisexual, my husband knows about this and over the years became accepting and even encouraged this. I am still bisexual but the alarming thing is that after being treated for my ADHD, I no longer want to explore outside of my marriage. I can actually…focus on my relationship. I had NO idea what I was doing was being amplified by the ADHD. That I was for a long time seeking to experience my attraction to women so intensely because my brain sought stimulation…because I was uncomfortably bored all these years. It gave me that dopamine hit. I was far more impulsive. I also hyperfocused on it. Which would always burn out and I would lose interest at some point and it wrecked mentally and emotionally and would enter a deep depression afterwards, not to mention it was annoying to others…and I apologize for that.
I never knew how distracted I really was from my relationship. I didn’t realize one big reason why I was unhappy for so long was due to this disorder that 4 previous psychiatrists completely missed.
It explains so much…the serial dating, the sexual impulses, the more than average need for intimacy, attention, experience, excitement, risks, drama, danger…alongside all the traditional symptoms I’ve always had.
I guess I just wanted to share this revelation in case someone might have been struggling like me. Although I suppose that might be rare since my situation is unique.
I suspected I might have ADHD for years for all the difficulty focusing/distractions/hyperfocus/hyperactivity/academic failures/procrastination…etc but never did I expect it to impact my relationships and how I feel about them. Or my emotions in general. Im emotionally stable now. This was so hard to maintain before. Commitment was also a huge fear and overwhelming…now…not so much. I am happier and can appreciate my husband more. I can actually experience the present moment without being distracted by a million other thoughts. It is priceless.
Anyway…thanks for reading my topic…I needed to get that off my chest. Also, October is ADHD awareness month so hopefully I’ve helped others become aware of this neurobiological disorder.
