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I'm really upset about about it getting accepted into an exchange program.

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I'm 16 and gay from Palestine. I applied to this exchange program way back in October and was really excited to be a part of it. I worked my ass off for every interview and tried my best to come off as likeable. You go to America for an entire year and then come back, and I was hoping to go for my junior year. I didn't get accepted and I got extremely upset when I found out. What's worse is my friend who also applied ended up getting accepted is in America and I'm extremely jealous. I'm really happy for him when I see pictures, but I can't deny the fact that my jealousy and self hatred grow stronger with every pic I see. I keep comparing myself to him and how I'm a failure and don't deserve to live. I really wanna 100% be happy for him, but I can't because of my jealousy. I feel like such an asshole. I know this will only get worse as time goes on and I just really wanna know how to not be jealous and how to not be upset about him getting accepted. I thought how amazing it would have been if I got accepted and how I could have went to a place where I could be myself. I finally could be happy and not scared of who I am anymore. I had.. really high hopes to be honest and me not getting accepted crushed all of them. Me finding out that I didn't get accepted only 5 days after my cat died didn't help either. My family is a disaster and my school life is a mess. If you wanna know more just click on my profile and read my other post. I feel really bad and selfish. I just want to get out of this place. .

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  • 17-24_f_w_h2_f2
    Experience

    im so sorry to hear about your situation and about this... ;-; im going through a similar situation. im 17 and go to a very islamic school in the uae, i barely have any friends in school and theres only one person im out to. im in my last year of high school and i cant wait to get out of this hellhole, and i plan to go to canada or anywhere in the west for college but... unfortunately my family is going through a financial crisis. the possibility of just travelling to the west is a 50-50 and i might have to go back to my home country which is just as homophobic.

    still, i know things are rough, please hang in there! its only a matter of time for college to come by and you can finally leave. sending virtual support!

    Reply to dumho
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  • I know it may seem helpless and that this is a horrible situation to be in but keep applying to as many opportunities as you can find, something will turn up! Use any free time you have to work on interesting things to increase your chances of being accepted into these types of fellowship and exchange opportunities. As dumho said you will also have the chance soon to study abroad hopefully if you focus on your studies to get scholarships. Don't lose hope. I didn't leave until I was 23 after years of trying even after horrible grades which I got due to depression and hopelessness. If I just worked harder I am sure I would have gotten out a LOT EARLIER.

    Reply to OmarTheWarrior
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