I'm 16 and gay from Palestine. I applied to this exchange program way back in October and was really excited to be a part of it. I worked my ass off for every interview and tried my best to come off as likeable. You go to America for an entire year and then come back, and I was hoping to go for my junior year. I didn't get accepted and I got extremely upset when I found out. What's worse is my friend who also applied ended up getting accepted is in America and I'm extremely jealous. I'm really happy for him when I see pictures, but I can't deny the fact that my jealousy and self hatred grow stronger with every pic I see. I keep comparing myself to him and how I'm a failure and don't deserve to live. I really wanna 100% be happy for him, but I can't because of my jealousy. I feel like such an asshole. I know this will only get worse as time goes on and I just really wanna know how to not be jealous and how to not be upset about him getting accepted. I thought how amazing it would have been if I got accepted and how I could have went to a place where I could be myself. I finally could be happy and not scared of who I am anymore. I had.. really high hopes to be honest and me not getting accepted crushed all of them. Me finding out that I didn't get accepted only 5 days after my cat died didn't help either. My family is a disaster and my school life is a mess. If you wanna know more just click on my profile and read my other post. I feel really bad and selfish. I just want to get out of this place. .